Death

Over the past few days, i really have thought about death lately. I almost begin to hate the thought of thinking about it, cause it makes me angry and sad. I thought about my own life, and how now Iam a mother and I have two children that look up to me, and if something were to happen to me. I think about Riley and wonder if he were to die tomorrow, would i regret not giving him all the love I had. I asked Riley if i were to die tomorrow if he would ever feel that way, but he said he loves me so much everyday, and would feel he did love me alot. I hate death, I hate when someone dies, and I hate funeral's. Tomorrow is the funeral, and all I know is I still can't believe it. I still think we are going to Yorkton to see everyone, including Grandpa. But he wont be there, we will be grieving his loss, and remembering him. I lay in bed at night thinking about him, and Nanny, when they lived in Dilke, or when I would go spend many summers in Theodore with them before Nanny got ill, and now he's gone. I think of you everyday Grandpa!

Well my precious Aubrie finally has her routine down, and is sleeping through the night. I tried many things, and finally got her turned around, and she is sleeping anywhere from 10-12 hours. It's great, you forget how much u needed sleep, and enjoy sleep...lol I actually go to bed now to go to sleep, not wait for her to wake. She is growing fast, crawling everywhere, and already pulling herself up to her knees on things. She is changing everyday, and soon enough the two girls will be running together and having a good ol time....(well I hope)

Lately Allie has been having her moments with her. She will love her sister, hug her kiss her, miss her, then the next minute she is pushing her, kicking her, poking her eyes...hitting her. It's been frustrating, but it's because Aubrie goes where we go now, and is in to everything, and everything before was just Allie's where as now, it's both, and she has to share. So yes we do have our moments throughout the day..but the many time-outs, and discipline, wont be brushed aside until she learns to not hurt her sister. But on the other hand, she does loves her alot.

As for me, I've been ok, good, sad..thinking is this a start to a bad year, or just something that happened? Cause I really hope nothing more comes like this, this year!! Thanks to everyone for your support and love, and for thinking of me at this time. It really does mean alot, with just your words, or a short email to me. Thank you!!!