Exhausted

Today, lets just say ended me.. Iam over the top finished and beyond my limits. Riley just came home and I came down to my hair salon, now where i moved my computer, shut the door, and decided to write. Iam tired, my body is aching it hurts so much. I had a day like no other I guess I could say.

Allie went to my parents yesterday, which is nice, but Aubrie and Boedy are the busy ones, so it wasn't much of a break. Aubrie is so busy, she's into everything, no matter where she goes she finds something to get into, and she knows the right times to do it. When Iam changing Boedy, feeding Boedy, or just busy doing everyday things. She finds things in this house that I don't even know where she found them. She gets into my make-up, my computer stuff, any drawer that has anything in it, she finds little bottles and plays with them, and loves the Tylenol containers. Today she emptied Boedy's liquid vitamins all over the stairs... Another time she peed in the middle of the kitchen as i was talking to her, and from running to get paper towel Boedy decided to play in it. I layed her for a nap and I don't think she napped but she did quite fine at going diahria in her panties and getting it every where from her legs to her feet to all over her bed.

Iam tired of dealing with the every day things of motherhood. Iam tired of poop! She constantly is laying on Boedy and he constantly seems hungry. I swear he could eat all day. And now him, he's just as bad. He goes in to the living room drags the toy box from off the shelf and empties it. He will crawl upstairs and empty the laundry baskets. He crawls under the table and finds left overs to eat, that i find i have to sweep and vacum all day long. he goes into the kitchen and cries and cries until you feed him. He wants my attention alot of the day and it's hard when two other girls do to.

My head is pounding, I can barely focus on the computer right now cause I don't think I have slept in a long time. I have come to the conclusion that being a mom is defiantly the hardest job on the planet, and no other job can compare!! But I best run, Boedy is crying!!

On Time

I've decided to quickly blog while 2 of my kids are sleeping, and Allie is in school. I just finished a client I had and have about 10 minutes before i go get Allie.

Thursday are a very busy day for me. Allie has dance in the morning, and school after lunch, so it's difficult hauling all three kids around and getting to places on time. I don't like to be on time, I like to be early, thats just who Iam and how i will always be. I start to panic if iam just on time, rather than early. I can't imagine how i would react if I was ever late. Well seems when ever you are early going some where you hit every green light, and when ever your late, you hit every red light. Well this morning, Boedy decided last night he was going to sleep from 8:30-6:45 this morning, which was awesome for me, but after i fed him he went back to sleep, till 9 when i had to wake him, shovel his oatmeal down his throat, dress him and the girls, jackets, hats, mitts, boots, and get them in the van to get to dance at 9:30. Oh somewhere in there put Allie and Aubrie on the potty as well, put Allie's in her dance outfit cause she didn't feel like doing it, give a bottle to Boedy, and ya then get myself ready and out the door. It was a hectic morning, and Thursday always is. So Ofcourse the lights were mostly red, which just frustrates me, and ofcourse when I arrived, I was on time, but that wasn't good enough..lol.. I still have to unload three kids, get into the dance studio, take off the coats boots and mits, and get allie in her dance slippers and into her class. Then I have to occupy two kids for a half an hour and keep them quiet.. So fun..lol Or should i say more stressful for me in the end.

Anyways, now i have to go wake my two sleeping babies, and dress them right back up and go get Allie from school. Have a good afternoon!!

Busy

I havent been up to my usual posting lately cause my life is so busy these days. I find I don't even have time to talk on the phone with a friend, let alone sit at the computer and blog. Life is busy with three kids and Iam not sure if it's ever going to slow down. Morning to night it's a constant go. Laundry never seems to end, house work never ends. The house gets cleaned every night, and by mid morning, it looks like a tornado went threw it. Iam getting slowly sick of toys..lol.. and theres only going to be more to come. Boedy seems to be hungry all the time. He seems like he eats more than the girls do. It's either eat, or change him, eat or change him. And Iam still potty training Aubrie. Some days she is awesome, next day she doesn't care. And thats frustrating. Some days I don't know where she peed in the house and either does she. Yesterday she opened a bright red nail polish and dumped it on the carpet. Needless to say our house smells like nail polish remover, it's awful.

I love my kids SO MUCH. There my life, my everything. I can't even remember life before them, it's like they have been here forever. I try to enjoy every moment with them, cause I know one day they wont be little babies anymore. I hate each passing day cause I know there growing up. I hate that Boedy's going to be 1 in a few months, and Allie 4. Where did the time go??? I try every day to lock in so many memories of them, but yet I know I wont remember half of the stuff they say or do. I just dont want them to grow up.

But I best run, the house is a mess as always, it's betime and the start of another new week tomorrow!!

A New Life

It's been a while since i have blogged, maybe because number one, Iam extremely busy, and number two, I just couldn't find the words to write and express what I have been going through for the past 10 months. And here goes nothing. I thought whether or not i'd ever blog about this, and decided the time has come, and it will make me feel better.

The past 10 months, or even before Boedy was born, I knew something wasn't right with me. I became so emotional, so angry with life, so drained, un- happy, and just not me. I didn't want to see friends, so many things made me mad, I let my anger rage on Riley and my kids. I envisioned many things like leaving my family behind and starting a new life. I cried every single day and iam not joking. I wanted to stay in bed most days and never get up, I was so tired all the time and sad everyday. I would binge eat some days such terrible food and such large amounts then wouldn't eat for a few days. I hide my pain, and expressed it only to a few. Some friends noticed and were concerned but I was trying my hardest to get past it, and the next day things would get better. I couldn't remember the last time I was happy, or laughed or was excited about life. I kept telling Riley this wasn't me, and something was wrong, and he just kept saying "your tired, u need a good rest". And yes that also was a huge part of it, but I knew there was more.

Everything came to an end one friday when I had another HUGE melt down for no reason at all. Riley couldn't understand why I was crying, and so upset, and mad and angry. I wanted to end my life, I wanted away, I hated myself my kids, just everything. I said I have to go see the doctor, something I dreaded.

So about 3 1/2 weeks ago, i went to my doctor. I walked in his office, he laughed and said, "your not pregnant r u?" I said "NO"... Then as I began to tell him, I started crying yet once again. So I handed him a letter I wrote. Everything I have been feeling. He read everything, looked up at me, and said "Its going to be ok". We talked for along time, and he diagnosed me with Postpartum depression. I was in denial. I never wanted this to happen to me, I felt useless and incapable, I felt like a no good mother because I didn't want to rely on a pill to make me feel better.

So 3 1/2 weeks ago, was the last time I cried. I am SO HAPPY these days, it's honestly night and day. I don't get angry no more, little things before that I'd explode over I take time with, i handle fights and crying SO MUCH different. Iam not mad or angry and I LOVE my LIFE so much. I can't believe how off I was, and I hope and pray everyday I will get better and stay better. He wants me to take this pill for 6 months and said my chemical balance should be back to normal. And I pray it is. My friends have noticed how much happier Iam, and Riley can't believe the change. I know some might judge me and some will think that they thought i was stronger than that.. But i honestly tried for the last 10 months, and i can finally say Iam happy, and can laugh and smile again. It's so nice to have a complete day with out crying.

Smmer's OVER

Well what more can we say, but that most people are probably upset, and dreading the cold weather coming soon. Well it's kinda here already I guess. Crazy how one day we can be in shorts and sun dresses, and the next day we are in jackets and long pants and the fire place is nice and hot inside. I have officially packed away all the kids summer clothes, and needless to say Allie was pretty upset. She cried and cried cause she loves her sun dresses, and said she would just where them in the house, so I left a few out for only that.

I have been trying to simplify my life lately, and by doing so I mean getting rid of stuff and having things more neat and tidy. The toys is always a main issue in this house, cause when I clean up, I like to put things back to where they belong, and when riley cleans up, it's shoveled into the toy box. And also with four levels, toys can get mixed up and lost very easy. So I moved ALL toys down to the basement, organized, and the girls, and Boedy love it. I left one container of toys upstairs for Boedy but the rest went down and got re organized. It's been less work for me.

Boedy is busy these days. I find I can't turn around without him climbing the stairs or standing at absolutely everything. He is defiantly getting around these days. The stair thing is the most annoying, cause there are many stairs in our house, and he defiantly hasn't mastered the going down part, so the odd time i have found him on an entirely different level then I put him on, and it freaked me out to think if he had fallen back. But I guess he will learn eventually.

Allie is doing much better now with school. She has made friends and enjoys to go now. She loves her dance class so much, it's so nice that there is only 5 girls so she defiantly is learning alot more. Aubrie is changing everyday, and sure is a jabber mouth. She could talk your ear off, and most people can't believe she is only 2.

(I love this pic of her.. her cute little bum..hehe and Aubrie my little lady))

Hockey starts soon for me, actually this sunday is our first practice. Then every Wednesday after that. I also play Volleyball tues and thursday when I can, so it's been nice to get out with other woman. This weekend Iam really looking forward to riley and I getting away for a much needed break. Our first actually. Mom said we need to go somewhere together and get away from the kids, so we are leaving friday and coming back sunday.. but the funny thing is, we haven't decided yet where we are going.. Guess we'll c!!

MINE

We are off to the farm tonight after Riley gets home from work. Iam looking forward to going there and being away from this wonderful city(insert sarcasm). We both love going to the country and letting our kidlets enjoy the freedom of doing whatever they want. They love going to the farm and quading with papa, and going to the garden with nana, and playing with the kittens and the dog. Riley's mom and dad are always so welcoming, and it's just a nice break.

Today the annoying word most parents probably hate was busy used alot today in my house and i was ready to flip the lid...lol Except over lunch hour today the girls were being very funny, and how each girl new how important this certain person meant to them was funnier. They were saying mine, mine.. ect ect over silly little things... Then my 2 year old Aubrie thought for a second, and knows how much Allie loves Bella, and said, "MY BELLA"...lol.. And My 3 year old Allie, thought for a second, and knows how much Aubrie loves Noah, and said, "MY NOAH"! I actually was laughing that each thought of that on there own, and new it was going to bug eachother!! Well then ofcourse Aubrie since she is only 2, got the most upset, and spent the rest of the hour saying "no he's MY NOAH, he's my NOAH, I LOVE NOAH.." And i just kept saying, yes aubrie we know that. It was too cute!!

Have a great weekend Everyone!

Growing Up

Its been a long week. Busy as usual with the kids, but i enjoy that. I enjoy now that Iam getting out more, feeling like iam back in the worl

d. And meeting moms. I felt as though I was away from the world for a very long time, and now Iam seeing people and meeting people, its been nice. Ive had alot on my mind this week. Alot of stress and worry and hurt and pain, and Iam trying to deal with that in such a very strange way. I feel like I have been jabbed in the heart, and I have been let down big time and I hope and pray that someday I get over this road bump in my life.

Its been a fun week as usual with my kidlets. We played outside everyday, and they create such funny things, like soup and berry pies, and so many things. Aubrie dressed as Winnie the Pooh one day and it was 31 above outside. But it did not seem to bother her. Boedy is changing so much each day, and now i find him standing at things, and its just crazy how fast he is growing up.

We had a bit of a struggle this week, with Allie going to school her fourth day. You have to understand that she has been with mommy since she was born. Hasn't played with many kids she didn't know, and tends to be shy. And why it took till the fourth day, Iam not sure, but she cried and cried, and clung to me, and wanted me to stay with her in class. It was sad, and sweet, and awful, and depressing all at once. She did end up going and had a good time, and met a new friend. But as the teacher shut her classroom door and I watched her walk over to her seat, look back at me across her shoulder, just to see if I was there, I choked up. My little girl, growing up, and my heart broke right there. I carried my other 2 out to the van, buckled them up, then decided to walk back inside and peak through the window once more. And she was ok. She was singing a song with the other kids, and doing actions. I walked back to the van trying to keep my tears from over flowing... My little girl, another milestone in her life. As I sat in that van and drove home, I cried a little. Thinking about how fast these past 4 years have gone. I looked at Aubrie in my mirror and adored her as she looked out the window. I listened to Boedy talking in the back and didnt want that moment to ever change or time to ever pass by anymore. I love my kids so much. There my life, my everything, and I hate so much how fast they are growing up. Cherish every moment is all I think of.. cause before we know it, they will be gone on there own! Children only get one childhood!

Shrek, Princess Fiona, and Donkey

Well today we had a fun filled eventful day, as we always do in the Hannah house. Never a dull moment to say the least. We are usually up and running by 7:00-7:30, and the day doesn't end till 8 or so at night. (Well Iam usually up by 6 atleast!!) Iam trying as much as possible to be outside cause before we know it, it's going to turn cold. So the girls played outside most of the morning. Somewhere in there, Aubrie pooped in her panties, decided to get rid of it, and kept playing. So I found her with poop on her finger, bare bum under her dress, and pooped smeared all over her bum, and down her legs..and yet had to find the missing panties. So i took her to the bathroom, put her in a cold tub of about an inch of water.. cleaned her up. Went outside to find her panties covered in flies..lol.. and cleaned those up as well. She still doesn't want to poop on the potty, even though some days she will, but the next, no way.

We took Allie to school and I enjoyed a few hours with just Bo and myself. Except he spent most of the afternoon whining and crying cause he is getting his eye teeth.

When we picked Allie up from school we came home and played in the backyard. And well, guess who was Shrek?? Ya Iam sure you guessed me. I said 'why am i Shrek?' And Allie said 'cause you look like him'!! So she was princess Fiona, and Aubrie loved the fact that she was Donkey. We played over and over again how Allie was in her castle sleeping holding her flowers, and i rescued her then we got married. We did for atleast an hour. I was getting a little bored of it after that, but the girls had so much fun.

Now Iam off to Volleyball and looking forward to leaving the house for an hour!!

Time??

Well, the days seem to be flying by, and sometimes I just feel like I don't have enough time in a day to give to each of my children. I really don't understand how someone can have 18 children and find the time. Some days I feel so sad for them cause I know they want me, and even though Iam a stay at home mom, I still feel like i have missed out on alot of things. I have been struggling lately with keeping my cool and patience with them, and I find myself exploding in anger. I hate when that happens, but I just cant stand the fighting some days that the girls do, or when they just don't listen.

I find myself every evening in Allie's room cleaning up her pile of clothes from the 20 times she has changed in the day, and i wish I could get her out of that habit. I don't understand why Aubrie chooses to pee in her panties every once in a while, and says to me after i ask her why she did that, "because I can"! And Boedy, my sweet little cute spoiled Boedy. I feel like all Iam doing all day is feeding him, and all night to. Tonight I tried to fill his tummy like i always do, and as I carried him to his bed, he upchucked everything. Poor guy. So needless to say he will probably be up in a few hours with an empty tummy.

And me, I went out and bought a dairy queen ice cream cake tonight, because like Aubrie says.. "because I can"..lol I get these uncontrollable cravings when my little friend likes to visit. Worse than I ever got when I was pregnant. I could honest have ate the entire cake, thats how bad they get. So the whole family was happy as we dove into that after supper!!

Camping

Well all I can say is I had a GREAT time camping..(until Saturday night).. but thats a whole different story. Anyways, it was so nice to get away and enjoy quietness with my sister and mom. I had a huge break from my kids cause my sisters kids played with them non stop, so it was nice to have that time to sit back and relax for the most part. Riley surprised me and came friday instead of going and farming, so that was wonderful. It was perfect weather, and not very busy there at all. Saturday we went to my niece Isabella's 4th birthday. 4 already, I can't believe it. It was nice out at there place at Colesdale Park. We got back Sunday early, and enjoyed the day with the kids. Layed around, hung out in the hot tub, and the kids went to bed early cause they were tired. So tonight we are going to lay on the couch, watch some tv, eat some chips, and go to bed early as well. Camping takes alot out of u. Especially when Boedy has been getting up still 1-3 times a night for a bottle. Iam going crazy, and don't know what to do. My girls were never like this. My mom told me this weekend that my cousin, when he was a baby, my aunty Gail fed him two 8 oz bottles before bed...lol.. lately I honestly have been giving him a bottle, then half a bottle of water, and he guzzles it all.. plus a jar of baby food before that. He must be growing non-stop. He already is in 12-18 month clothes!!

Here is a pic of Allie, on her first day of school!! Aubrie was just as excited!!

Day # 2

Should i say from he$$. Cause I sure could. These kids of mine have gone crazy, and i think i have as well. They wine and cry and cry and scream and scream more, ALL DAY LONG. I actually am getting to the point where i can't handle it, and want to run away. Today i don't even actually know where the day went to say the least. I kept strong all day and as soon as Riley got home I ran to the shower locked the door and had a real good cry. I just want to throw the towel in some days. Some days i feel like iam all alone, and no one is helping me with these kids, or around this house. Iam starring at the clock on the wall, the clock that Riley and i both use all the time. The clock that hasn't told time in over 2 weeks now cause the battery died. But do u think he would change the battery??? So Iam going to be stubborn and leave it untill he does.

As i sit here Aubrie is screaming her high pitch scream cause Allie is teasing her, and Boedy is probably just watching it all, while daddy Iam sure is reading the flyers... errr... MEN!!

So on another note.. Boedy is so like our family dog. He screams and cries at the back door, till you let him out. And iam not joking, it's so funny. And as soon as u let him out, he is so happy crawling around the grass. Its so funny. But I best run and try to calm my family and count the minutes till bedtime.

Disaster

That explains today, it started off awful, and the entire day went that way. I have a very busy week ahead of me. Allie's first day of school was today, she starts dance on Thursday morning, and school that day as well, I have clients to do, and a camper to pack for a 5 day camping trip..(without my husband). I have had a day of crying, crying, and well lets just say more crying.. and not me.. the kids. Allie is like a broken record these days.. if i say no, u can't have that or don't do that.. that does not seem to matter, cause she continues to ask a billion times. Aubrie has these freak scream attacks, and i hate them, and it really pierces your ears when she does it. And Boedy, well thank God he is precious and fun and easy going. Lately all he wants to do is eat... From getting up 3 times at night.. yes u heard me right 3 bottles, I almost lost my mind. I don't even know how i functioned those days, but some how managed. Now he eats the big baby food jar, then a bottle. Boys are so different. He just seems hungry all the time.

Well lets just say I was suppose to play Volleyball tonight, and when my husband got home he got greeted with an angry wife, because the kids were still bonkers and Aubrie just finished dumping her rice all over the floor.. and we all know how fun rice is to clean up. Well Boedy just woke then, I went and got him, set him in the living room and said I had to go.. Well Boedy started screaming, cause ya.. he was hungry, Allie started crying cause she didn't want me to go, and Aubrie was doing her high pitch scream. I was ready to pull my hair out, as Riley flopped himself down on the couch cause he to had a long hard day. As i pulled out of the drive way, Allie's crying facial expressions weren't the best to watch driving away. So needless to say I called my coach, said my family has gone crazy, i wont be in. Drove around the city for about 15 minutes and returned home, went downstairs, locked the gate and watched 90210. WHAT A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! The rest of the night.. lets just say could be a whole new blog post.... All I can say is, Iam barely alive..lol

Where Did the Time Go?

It's crazy how time flies these days. It just seems like yesterday I went into the hospital and delivered my very first baby girl, Allie Madelynn and now she is starting her first day of school tomorrow (insert crying here).

I remember when she was born Riley and I promised each other that before she started school, we would be out of this city. Well it looks as though that did not happen. Tomorrow we meet the teachers and

the other students in her class. She is very excited, as am I. Just feels like she is getting big too fast.

I can defiantly say that the last 3 1/2 years have flown by so fast. Probably because I have had three children, but I honestly wish time would slow down. When they grow up, it just means Iam growing up to, and I hate that thought. Turning 30 actually scares me.

But just like every other day, tomorrow will come and go, and soon enough she will be a pro at going to school and I am sure she will love it and ask to go everyday! And as I walk away from her class room, iam sure i will sit in my van and have myself a real good cry!

Doing Well

Lets just say I have never felt so good as I do these last few days... I started working out again about 10 days ago, and I truly think that is helping. It relaxes me and i feel good all day long. I have way more energy and having been dealing with the kids alot better at home. I was slowly falling off the wagon there for a while cause I felt like I could quit at any moment at being a mom. But now Iam back on top. I have much enjoyed this week of hot weather, went to the beach one day, went to parks in town, visited friends and came back alive it seems. Felt like i was hibernating for a long time. I have enjoyed my special time with Allie this week cause Aubrie went to my mom and dad's on Tuesday and it's been a nice break. We went and got her suited for her new dance school she is attending, and they all have to wear identical clothes. She was so excited for that, and we also went to the mall and each got an Orange Julius. We had alot of fun together this week. Made bead bracelets, painted, had many tea parties, played house and doctor. She even does my workout video with me, it's so adorable. I still can't believe she is going to school on Tuesday. It's going to be such a sad moment for me. Iam sure I will go to the van and cry. But she is SO excited and can't wait. Anyways off to get Aubrie soon, we sure miss her!!

TOO FAST

They defiantly grow up way too fast.... I had Bella over for a sleep over and the girls always have a blast together. The have such imaginations, and it's so cute to watch them play together. Gone are the days where they use to fight and tease and bug, now they enjoy each other and hug each other very often. Yesterday I walked upstairs and they were hugging in the hallway and Allie was saying `your my best friend Bella`, and Bella replied, `You are mine to allie`. It was so sweet. SO I thought I would post a pic of when they were babies and now!!

But I must go cause Boedy does not like that Iam not giving him attention right now.. lol.. BYE

It's Been a While

Well I have decided to start blogging once again. I guess I took a very long break, and to say the least i truly missed it. I love to write and this is defiantly a way to do that.

So lets just say this summer has been a very busy one, and I can't believe it's September tomorrow. I still don't know where the time goes, and I hate that each day is passing by and the kids and myself are getting older.

Boedy has been crawling for a while now and he gets into everything. the other day he crawled outside on the back deck to watch the girls play. He wants to be where ever they are, it's so precious. He defiantly is a sweet sweet baby.

Aubrie is dealing with tantrums, and an awful temper, and i feel so bad for her. I fell like i created that in her. She for the most part is so precious, but man her tantrums really are the worst. I can't believe she is potty trained now. It's completly wonderful.

Allie is growing up too fast. She will be going to school in a week or so, and it's so sad. Once they start, they never stop. She is so excited and talks about it everyday. She tells me she will come home, and that I don't need to be sad. The things she says these days really amaze me. I just don't understand where she gets her words from, but she sure is smart.

As for the most part. Every single day of my life is completely busy. Having three kids under 3 is defiantly a challenge. It's funny when people ask me how many kids i have, and when i say three.. then they ask how old the oldest is, and it usually gets them thinking, and questioning. I rarely find a moment in the day to think about myself. It's always something, or someone, and now with Boedy on the go, it's even busier. I've been dealing with a few challenges of my own almost since Boedy was born, and am hoping things will get better everyday. Many days I feel like I could just give up and throw in the towel, and crawl in a hole and cry for days, but I know that there are 3 precious babies that need me.

Well i hope to post often, and keep you updated on my crazy life!!

Time

I think of time lately, and how fast it goes by. Soon enough Allie will be starting pre-school, and to say the least Iam terrified. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think so. But by her starting school, there is no end in sight till she graduates. Iam hessitant on sending her, I want her home with me forever, but I know she's going to have to start sooner or later. I hate that she is growing up so fast. It scares me to think how fast 10 years really can go. Riley and i have been together for 9 years already, and in less than a months time, we will be celebrating our 5 year wedding Anniversary. Crazy to think in 5 years years of marriage we have had three beautiful children. I want you if you have time to listen to this song iam going to post. It's my song about my kids. I cry everytime i hear it, and have held Allie over and over again while playing it, just so sad at what the song says. It breaks my heart because its just so real.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_lUnFjXg8&feature=related

Life

Life has been good lately, busy but good. Iam so looking forward to spring and going for walks everyday with the kids. Building a deck in the backyard is something i can't wait for, and the many camping trips we will be going on. I think we have 6 planned already, so iam really looking forward to those, and trying out our new 5th wheel.

The kids are all doing so well. Allie and Aubrie went to the farm friday night with Riley, and Boedy and i hung back cause i had a wedding party to do on Saturday. I had a great weekend bonding with him, and doing so many things that I can't normally do with all three. Lets just say I stocked up on groceries, and cleaned this house top to bottom. We slept in together in the mornings and layed in bed looking at eachother. We had a great weekend, but Iam really looking forward to my girls coming back. It's pretty quiet in this house, and I know boedy misses the noise to.

Allie is registered for pre-school come fall, and Iam getting a little nervous about that. Kids grow up so fast and once they start school, there is no looking back cause it doesn't end till they graduate. She is SO EXCITED to go, asks every day about it. I know i will be sad, and excited all at once, but thats just part of life right. What Iam most excited about is the pre-school graduation. They even get to wear cap and gowns, so that should be adorable!! Iam going to register her for out door soccor this May/June with a friend of hers. And also come fall she will go back into dance for the year. I'd like to start them on swimming lessons as well, so I'm going to look into that 2.

Aubrie is growing so fast. I looked at her the other day and can't believe she will be 2 in a few short months. I can't believe how much she has changed lately, and how much she can talk. Having a conversation with her is so fun. They girls have alot of fun together wrestling, and going shopping, and making nests..lol.. They great friends and it's so nice to see.

And my little man, boedy. He is adorable. I now know it's possible to love to boys at the same time..haha... He is so precious, he laughs so much, and smiles all the time. The other day I was holding him, and everytime i patted him bum twice he would laugh. I would stop then pat it again twice and he'd laugh again, it was just so cute. He is growing so fast, and changing so much everyday.

Well the question seems to arise almost everyday now that we had our boy... "so are u done now??" To me, choosing to be done having children is a HUGE thing. I think of all that could happen, and to rush off and get fixed just isn't in either of our books for ALONG time. We talk of a fourth, even a fifth if you could believe it. We just arn't sure. You know maybe we will be done, maybe we have the perfect family of three, but as of now we just arn't sure. SOmedays I love just the three of us, and somedays i think, ya maybe. But in time we'll know, but if we do decide on another, it wont be for ALONG TIME..haha

3 sick kids

Well all three of my kids are sick right now. Boedy has been sick for 9 days already, but I finally think he may be on the turn around. He was sleeping 12 hours every night, so it was nice for me..lol But Lastnight he was up every 2 hours so I think he is trying to make up for what he lost out on. He is hungry!! The girls both have full fledge colds, snotty noses and bad coughs, and tonight ALlie was tugging on her ear. I feel so bad for them, and just am hoping i don't get sick and i can take care of them the best I can. Allie was at the farm till today, and they probably wouldv'e kept her longer but with her getting sick they thought they should bring her back, cause sometimes when she gets sick, she gets croup bad. Iam happy she is home, but I hear she had alot of fun. We missed her dearly, but wow things were quiet around here, and having two kids... it's like heaven. A complete difference. I honestly never thought three kids was going to be that big of a difference.. AND IT'S A HUGE CHANGE... isn't it Kristyn..lol...

Well I have 15 pounds to go. I happy that Iam losing weight and feeling so good these days. I run 30 minutes on the treadmill and just feel awesome when Iam done. Spinning class has been great, and we have cut out all flour products in our house.. COMPLETELY. Riley has to be off of them because the doctor said, that means no cereal grains, flour products..ect.. so I figured I'd do it with him. Except his has to be for life, and well i don't know if I can handle that..lol We both feel great, and he feels alot better than he once did.

Things otherwise are good around here. Everyday is a new day right.

My Little Boy

Well I never thought I'd love having a little boy as much as I do. Everyday I look at him and just cant believe we have a little boy. He is wonderful and everything i imagined and more. He smiles so bright and big now, talks to you, and is just wonderful. He has been sleeping good for the most part, the other night pulled off 11 hours of sleep, but needless to say I sure didn't..lol.. I want to hold him as much as I can, and i love this stage of them sleeping on your chest. The girls adore him and somedays treat him like a doll and want to pick him up and carry him around. Allie now burps him all the time and thinks she is such a good little mommy.

Well little miss Aubrie has had alot of changes in her life in the past while. She is the one in the family with the attitude and stubbornness.. She has picked up this new sentence, "i don't wanna', and it drives me bonkers. She says it about absolutely everything. Well I got rid of her suckies a while back now, and she did wonderful. It's great to know there are no more suckies in the house.. YEY.. And now i have started the potty training, and some days are good, some are bad, but me, I do it the hard way. I just put them in panties and they have to get the feel of the wetness of peeing and pooping and they begin to not like it, except it's just more work for me to clean up pee and poop everywhere. Well i converted her crib into the bed today, and lets just say she had a bed for 2 1/2 hours of the play time she did in her room, before i walked back in there, plopped her back in her crib and put the rail back on. Lets just say some one wasn't too happy with mommy. She cried for 10 minutes and was out like a light. So I don't want to do the bed thing yet anyways..lol

Life at home has been good, alot of work, and very tiring but for the most days it's good. I try to get into routines but they usually fail by the end of the week..lol.. Iam trying to get to the gym as much as i can, but Iam not sure how much fun it is going when u have to haul three kids in tow with you. Just know iam looking forward to spring, and going for many many walks with the double running stroller, and being outside as much as we can. These next few months are going to kill me, but we'll do our best!!

Workin Hard

Well, i gained 45 pounds when I was pregnant with Boedy, 45 with Aubrie and 25 with Allie.. Having two children was a piece of cake losing the weight, and Iam wondering if the third will be more challenging. Boedy is 7 weeks old only, and I have lost 25 pounds already, and still have twenty to go to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I've joined Volleyball, hockey, the gym, and am taking up spinning classes as well. I started two weeks ago, and haven't missed a day.. I am proud of myself. I even packed up the kidlits on those -35 days, and headed to the gym. It's been alot of fun, and nice to get out and get back in shape. Iam feeling great, and not yet going to try any pre-pregnancy pants on ...lol... Iam going to work super hard at getting the weight off.

I also have decided that with out routine I wont get through the day. I don't really have time to get behind cause getting caught up is alot harder. I make sure laundry is done every other day, instead of 5 big loads at once. I make sure dishes are done right after we eat, and that the kitchen is clean at all times. I have taken toys off the main level, and unless they bring some up to play thats fine, but they get chucked to the basement at the end of the day!! I lock the girls down in the family room while i make supper, so it's much easier while they r playing instead of hanging at my feet or trying to help..lol.. and thats been going great to. My routine with Boedy is great as well. And they all go to there rooms at 1 for naps, or ALlie who has quiet time for an hour or more. Things are alot less stressful for me, and it really breaks my days up, and also with keeping up with the housework while they nap, I never get behind. I feel great, am happy as can be, and am adjusting well to three little ones... well this week anyways..lol

One lady came up to me at the gym today after spinning class and was like.. " r these all your kids"... I always laugh cause it seems people always r asking that..lol.. And they always end with "busy girl"..lol.. Yes life is busy with a 7 week old, 20 month old, and 3 year old.. but it's all worth it!! Most days anyways!!..lol

House Reno's

We have been doing some house Reno's.. First we started off by redo-ing the bathroom on the level by the fire place...(the family room). When we moved in the whole thing was purple including the toilet, sink, walls, ect.. So that's what started it.. I repainted it all, Riley replaced new counter top, sink, toilet, new flooring and is now in the process of putting in a new glass corner shower..can't wait!! (glad to have a handy husband who can do EVERYTHING)
Second we redid the master bathroom cause it wasn't so pretty as well... I painted, he again put in a new sink and new flooring, and counter top!
And I also fit time in to redo the girls room.. They will be sharing a room shortly when I put Boedy in his own room. So it is done, and I absolutely love it, as do they!!

I dit it

This weekend has been a first for a long time. RIley and i are always busy with family, either us coming or going, or our family coming or going and this weekend we stayed home and enjoyed being a family ourselves. A first for a long time. We needed it, more than ever and it was wonderful. Saturday night we sat and talked, a talk we needed to do years ago. Something thats been eating at both of us, but no one has ever been the first to open up. Iam not sure how it exactly started, but Riley just said how he wished he could turn back time and change all that happened. Meaning when we first got married, it was a tough rocky road, and it almost ended. Due to one thing.. Alcohol. I choose alcohol over Riley and it almost ended things, and he said he wishes he couldv'e been there more and helped more. But it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I was leading a different life, heading down the wrong path, and it was not getting me no where except in trouble. He said if it wasn't for my family, we probably wouldn't be together today. And then he said the words I remember hearing years back, that only hit me deep in my heart once again...."you broke my heart Cari".. Something you just don't want to hear from your husband. We hugged and cried and talked more and more. I ache inside each day because of that pain I put Riley through, and there's nothing we can do about that except move forward now and look towards the future.

But lastnight, something truly wonderful happened inside of me. I finally dit it. I finally accepted that I have quit drinking. Before it was just there, something I said or thought about, even still thought about having drinks quite often. But last night it hit me hard. I accepted that Iam done... done forever. Alcohol is was almost ended my life, my marriage, and maybe there wouldn't be no Allie Aubrie or Boedy here if I didn't quit. I will laugh now instead of get nervous inside when someone asks me why I quit, and if I truly will never have another drink. Why would i drink again? I might as well say goodbye to Riley if I do. It's not worth it, not worth the pain the two of us went through. And one drink in my hands will just never happen, cause it will only lead to one more. Iam done, it's been 4 years this March that i had my last drink, and I can honestly say Iam proud. Proud to say I have quit. I have nothing wrong what so ever about any body else drinking, thats there life, and something they can control alot better than I did. But Iam proud that I have finally accepted it, and now it's time to live a life where Riley deserves every ounce of my heart.. I love him to death, and would never want to live life without him.

A day in the life of ME

2am...Allie goes pee. 4am...Feed Boedy. 7am...Feed Boedy. 7:15am...allie goes poop(and Aubrie wakes up). 7:30am...Mommy showers(for 2 minutes). 7:45am...breakfast time. 8am...clean kitchen, do dishes, and sweep floor. 8:30am...vacuum living rooms. 8:45am...start laundry(5 loads to go). 9am...sit and play blocks with the girls. 9:20...playdoh time. 9:35am...Boedy wakes(change boedy and get myself dressed and ready).
9:45am...dress the girls. 9:50am...feed Boedy. 10am...get girls in there snow suits. 10:10am...Allie has to pee(undress her from snowsuit). 10:15am...Boedy poops(take him out of car seat change him). 10:20am...leae the house for the doc app(load them in stroller to walk there). 10:30am...doc app for Boedy and Allie. 11:15am...Arrive back home(undress girls, put boedy to bed). 11:20am...another load of laundry(and vacuum basement). 11:45am...make lunch for the girls(both girls are crying). 12:15...Boedy wakes, feed and change him. 12:30...feed girls, boedy is crying. 12:35...Boedy pooped, change him, then Riley calls. 12:39..Aubrie dumps macaroni everywhere, Allie goes pee again. 12:41...throw clothes in dryer and another in wash. 12:41...Allie throws macaroni all over floor. 12:42...Change Aubrie and put her to bed, as well as put allie in her room for quiet time(first time EVER, but she went). 12:45...Sit with Boedy and have tummy time. 12:50 Ara calls. 12:55...Allie comes out of her room(i put her back in while she is screaming her head off). 12:58...I eat some yogurt, then go to the bathroom(which I was holding since before we left for the doc). 1pm...fold laundry. 1:15...Boedy falls asleep. 1:45...finish folding laundry. 2pm...Allie wakes up from a nap(first time in MONTHS). 2:05...Riley calls. 2:10...clean up macaroni from lunch time. 2:20...Boedy wakes up, and I make him a bottle. 2:30...Aubrie wakes up. 2:35...Feed Boedy. 2:45...Aubrie wants snack(I put her in her chair with abowl of peaches). 2:47...Boedy pooped(change him and refill wipe containers..Boedy pukes all over me). 2:55...Allie wants snack.. is crying cause her mouth hurts, wants milk, i giver her banana and milk. 3pm...dancing in the kitchen with the girls to the radio. 3:05...Book my spa day at envouge..can't get in till feb 5th.. (very sad). 3:10...siting on kitchen floor with all 3 kids hanging out. 3:20...DVD time(air bud). 3:25...Sarah calls. 3:50...haircut shows up. 4pm...Aubrie decides she doesn't want to wear diaper anymore. 4:15..Boedy is fussing wants to be held. 4:25...start supper. 4:30...Allie and Aubrie want to pee on potties together(now Iam sitting on the bathroom floor holding Boedy, hearing supper burn). 4:40...Almost burst into tears(held back) and just realized I never ate lunch. 4:45...playing ring around the rosy with Aubrie in kitchen(while cooking supper) Boedy fussing, needing a nap. 4:49...put Boedy down for a nap. 4:50...Pumping breast milk in bathroom cause company is here on computer. 4:53...Aubrie bites Allie's ear(screaming breaks out). 4:59...Back to making supper, and remembered Aubrie was in panties..(i find her and she peed all over allie's bedroom floor)...

And thats when I quit writing.. The evening would have made it a novel... I did that so Riley could see a day in the life of me.. It was a long and crazy day, just like everyday is. I don't get a break, or a few seconds t relax or breath for that matter. I don't even know where the time goes these days and can't seem to gather my thoughts and think of all that happened in the day.. It's hard but I try my hardest to find time for all three of my children.. I know soon enough things will slow down.. and I guess I will be looking forward to the slower days, but as for now, I know that wont be happening anytime soon!

Growing Old

Well today we took the journey once again to go and see my nanny in Theodore home. It's always sad, and really hard to watch my mom cry cause of the pain she feels.. It's awful having Alzheimer's, I truly believe it's the worst disease out there. She doesn't know us, or even that we r there, and it hurts so much. I walked the halls of the nursing home, thinking about life, about how fast time truly does go. I looked at all the people in there and wondered as they watched me, what they thought of me. They looked at Boedy as i carried him in my arms, and probably thought about there lives and all they had gone through. The babies they may have had and the moments they spent on this earth. I looked at Boedy thinking he is going through what so many of those people in there are going through. They as well need to be fed, and diaper changed and taken care of. It's so sad, and it makes me so sad thinking that life has to end like that for some. I hate having to see my mother go through such pain knowing her mother doesn't even know her or us, or anything. I miss my nanny so much, I can't even imagine how she must feel.

I've posted a video that I made for my mom and dad for Christmas... lots of tears were shed that day, and every time i watch it, I really think about how fast life truly does go.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

New Security Features

Iam changing some security features on my blog, due to some readers I don't want to be reading my blog anymore.... Please email me at cariley@sasktel.net.. in order for u to be able to read my blog, cause I will add u to my readers list... Thank you... This will all be changed by next week!!!

Happy New Year

Wow, 2009.. I think I probably thought of this year back in the 90's, probably wondering what the world would be like. Time sure has past in the last 10 years, and I can't even explain how fast it has gone now that we have children. I know this is going to be a good year. Alot of camping with our 5th wheel, and not being pregnant this summer will be wonderful as well. Iam really looking forward to this year.

I layed in bed this morning at 5:30am listening to the grunting noises of my son. He grunts alot, as all my kids did, but I think he has topped the charts. It sometimes takes him over and hour to completely wake up so he grunts a little then goes back to sleep, then grunts some more, and back alseep.. and so on. I guess it's a heck of alot better than crying.. but it still wakes me... It's kinda funny, but also annoying in the middle of night. He is a perfect baby, he is so content and happy and just eats sleeps, poops, and looks at the girls and now has started smiling, his smile is so beautiful!!! I layed there thinking about my life, my family. How blessed Iam to have these wonderful children, and how lucky Iam also to have an amazing husband. I layed there and thought about life 3 years ago, and how so different it was. Sometimes I think how i feel I gave up so much in my life to be where Iam today, but that was the choice I made. I love being a mom. Yes alot of days are very difficult, don't get me wrong.. lots of days i break down and wonder how Iam going to keep up. I feel like Iam going non-stop all day long, and when bedtime hits, I sink into my bed and am fast asleep.

Yesterday ALlie only managed to changed about 12 times..She decided to not want to listen at all either and loved every minute of bugging her sister... Aubrie pooped everywhere in her panties.. because for some reason I choose to potty train when she happened to get diahria, which she never has... She also was in the mommy hold me mode ALL DAY.. and Boedy must have been going through a growth spurt cause he wanted to eat every 2 hours.. It was a non-stop day.... I didn't get a second to think or let alone go to the bathroom cause somebody was always in need of me. So needless to say when Riley walked through the door, I broke down and cried, and was frustrated, and all I needed was a great big hug. It's hard, very hard... 3 is SO different then two... Especially when there so close together and still so needy. Allie is a huge help though.. she even helps Aubrie get dressed, and runs for diapers for me or blankets, or the phone..anything i need she does. She even cleans up after her self which is so nice, and a huge help....

Iam tired... every day I push myself to make it through the next. I feel as if I have never been this exhausted in my life. I always have been one of those people who tries to do everything, and usually succeeds, or i push myself till I do succeed. I feel like nothing ever slowed me down in life and I felt like I could do whatever i put my mind to it. Well this has slowed me down. This has made me more exhausted then i could ever imagine. I know each day will get better, all I can hope for is that it's soon!!I swear if I could take a vacation somewhere right now.. it would be to a hotel to sleep..lol