Last night I went to my room after 10 and looked at the crib we just set up. We lost pieces to our other one, so had to go purchase another one. What timing, but thankfully we found one, and it's set up and looks beautiful. The girls helped us, and had a blast setting it up. Allie is so excited for the baby to come, every day she asks if today is the day.
I starred at the crib lastnight, and just burst into tears. Sobbing extremely loud and could barely catah my breath. I cried cause Iam soon to be having baby number 3, and Iam scared. I cried cause I can't believe Allie will be 3 in December, and it just seems like yesterday we were setting up the crib for her. I cried cause I somedays just want her to be my little baby, and now soon I will have 3. I cried cause life just passes by and there is no slowing it down. I cried for all the times this past year I have been to tired to play with the girls cause of this other baby taking over my body and I felt guilty. I cried cause I didn't know if I wanted this in life, and now look where Iam.
Riley came in a while later and wondered what was going on. I told him some stuff, and we cried together. He said he knows how I feel, and how Allie and Aubrie are so precious to us and how we both are scared about having three children under the age of 3. We cried cause our girls mean the world to us, and there's nothing in this life we would have ever done differently.
It's been a while, but it was needed. Iam excited to meet this little one and have the girls help out and love there new little baby sibling. Iam excited to be able to move easier and sleep better, and not be so drained of energy. I love my girls so much, and I know I will love this one just the same, but Iam just scared. Life with two little ones is hard, and knowing Iam adding a third little one in a months time, is crazy to think.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Mothering
I decided to blog about mothering, because it seems lately, I have been having these mothering chats with my girlfriends, and it seems to be a great topic, because..gee.. we do it every day.
I get asked numerous times how I make it through a day, and I laugh sometimes when asked. Everyday is different that's for sure. I am sure if you ask any mother how life was with little ones, they'd say the same things. Some days are filled with fun and playing and joy and laughter, while others we are ready to sell our children to anybody who is willing to take them. Like I said a few blogs back, nobody said mothering was going to be hard, and it sure is. Especially when there little. I find many days I wish I could just crawl up on the couch under a blanket and sleep the entire day away, and some days i have tried, even though the girls r poking and prodding me to play and i just can't lift myself off of the couch to even see what there doing. I have alot of days where i feel guilty cause I didn't sit with them on the floor and play with them over and over, and i wonder if they'll hate me for that!! Every mother has it hard, and the thing that frustrates me most, it how men don't understand half of the days we go through. Sometimes I just want 2 minutes to phone Riley and speak with an adult cause Iam having a terrible day, rather than having your two year old asking you why your sad mommy... And sometimes those two minutes you do get to speak to him, they don't understand how much it means to you, but yet when they get home you are waiting for them to ask how your are doing, and they have totally forgotten about how terrible your day was. Men don't understand the concept of being a mother, and the things we go through in a day. I want to know the last time a man did dishes, laundry, diaper changes, nursed, washed, and swept floors, vacuumed, played with kids, made break feast lunch and supper all in one day. Men get frustrated being around there children for 20 minutes and they need there escape, but yet when it comes to us needing to get out for a break, they don't understand why. And the one thing I hate most is when Riley does get home, and it's all wonderful and exciting for the girls and me, we have supper and then he wonders off to the bathroom for an hour...errrrr..... My time in the bathroom is maybe two minutes, and while Iam finishing Iam usually yelling don't touch that, leave that alone, get out of here...
Mothering is a hard thing. I have had many days where i break down and cry, and wonder how Iam going to do this for the next how ever many years. But we do, we get through it. I still laugh and sometimes it's encouragement to get me through my day when I think of what my sister told me last week. She found a piece of paper she was going to write out for her husband about what she goes through in a day. And this was when her kids were 5, 3, 2 and a baby. She started at 5am when the baby woke, and it went on and on, but the funny thing was she only got to like 8:30, and it was already a page long. I laugh everytime i think of it, cause it's so true. She even wonders how she made it through those days, cause now her kids are, 10, 8, 7 and 5... When your kids are little, you are tired from either a restless night, or just the fact of doing everything around the house. Husbands come home and think being around there kids is alot of work, but they must forget about how laundry, and dishes and toilets and everything else gets cleaned around here. Some days I could just scream cause the toilet in our main bathroom needs to be cleaned, but like a man would ever notice something like that, even though it only takes two seconds, its two more seconds in a day I could be doing something else.
Alot of days I wonder why Iam even here, and how Iam going to make it to there bedtimes. Sometimes I find myself counting down the hours till there is quietness, and I have even felt guilty some nights sitting here alone. Some days are hectic around here, but to me it's the little moments that matter most. Yah alot of days I might not sit and play blocks or barbies or color for hours, but then there are days i do, or what about the moments you hold them and tickle them and make them belly laugh so loud, or tonight when I was making supper we danced in the kitchen to the CD player cranked loud, and we danced for about an hour, and they had so much fun. It's the little moments like that, that might stick out in there minds when there older.
So just to every mother, just know we all are going through it. We all have our tough days, even if it's for 7 in a row, we all are going through it. Many days we want to pull our hair out, or scream or get rid of our kids, but we know deep down how much we do love them and need them. We are mother's, doing the hardest job on this earth... Whatever it is that gets you through the day, whatever works works. Whether it's 5 dvd's in a row, or locking them in there room for quiet time for 20 minutes, whatever works. But the main thing we really need to do, is talk to other mothers. Whether it's a 5 minute phone call with screaming kids in the back round and kids fighting to get your attention, it's those 5 minutes that might get you though your day cause another mother is going through it to. Just know my ear is always willing to listen, and my door is always open. And As for mothering, just know like I said we all are going through it.. even though it might not show when we are out and about, we are, we really truly are. But also remember someday we will look back upon these years, and forget all we went through, and our kids will be grown and we may be sitting at home, lonely wanting them back. Enjoy your time as best you can, but get yourself out of the house as well, it really truly helps!!
I get asked numerous times how I make it through a day, and I laugh sometimes when asked. Everyday is different that's for sure. I am sure if you ask any mother how life was with little ones, they'd say the same things. Some days are filled with fun and playing and joy and laughter, while others we are ready to sell our children to anybody who is willing to take them. Like I said a few blogs back, nobody said mothering was going to be hard, and it sure is. Especially when there little. I find many days I wish I could just crawl up on the couch under a blanket and sleep the entire day away, and some days i have tried, even though the girls r poking and prodding me to play and i just can't lift myself off of the couch to even see what there doing. I have alot of days where i feel guilty cause I didn't sit with them on the floor and play with them over and over, and i wonder if they'll hate me for that!! Every mother has it hard, and the thing that frustrates me most, it how men don't understand half of the days we go through. Sometimes I just want 2 minutes to phone Riley and speak with an adult cause Iam having a terrible day, rather than having your two year old asking you why your sad mommy... And sometimes those two minutes you do get to speak to him, they don't understand how much it means to you, but yet when they get home you are waiting for them to ask how your are doing, and they have totally forgotten about how terrible your day was. Men don't understand the concept of being a mother, and the things we go through in a day. I want to know the last time a man did dishes, laundry, diaper changes, nursed, washed, and swept floors, vacuumed, played with kids, made break feast lunch and supper all in one day. Men get frustrated being around there children for 20 minutes and they need there escape, but yet when it comes to us needing to get out for a break, they don't understand why. And the one thing I hate most is when Riley does get home, and it's all wonderful and exciting for the girls and me, we have supper and then he wonders off to the bathroom for an hour...errrrr..... My time in the bathroom is maybe two minutes, and while Iam finishing Iam usually yelling don't touch that, leave that alone, get out of here...
Mothering is a hard thing. I have had many days where i break down and cry, and wonder how Iam going to do this for the next how ever many years. But we do, we get through it. I still laugh and sometimes it's encouragement to get me through my day when I think of what my sister told me last week. She found a piece of paper she was going to write out for her husband about what she goes through in a day. And this was when her kids were 5, 3, 2 and a baby. She started at 5am when the baby woke, and it went on and on, but the funny thing was she only got to like 8:30, and it was already a page long. I laugh everytime i think of it, cause it's so true. She even wonders how she made it through those days, cause now her kids are, 10, 8, 7 and 5... When your kids are little, you are tired from either a restless night, or just the fact of doing everything around the house. Husbands come home and think being around there kids is alot of work, but they must forget about how laundry, and dishes and toilets and everything else gets cleaned around here. Some days I could just scream cause the toilet in our main bathroom needs to be cleaned, but like a man would ever notice something like that, even though it only takes two seconds, its two more seconds in a day I could be doing something else.
Alot of days I wonder why Iam even here, and how Iam going to make it to there bedtimes. Sometimes I find myself counting down the hours till there is quietness, and I have even felt guilty some nights sitting here alone. Some days are hectic around here, but to me it's the little moments that matter most. Yah alot of days I might not sit and play blocks or barbies or color for hours, but then there are days i do, or what about the moments you hold them and tickle them and make them belly laugh so loud, or tonight when I was making supper we danced in the kitchen to the CD player cranked loud, and we danced for about an hour, and they had so much fun. It's the little moments like that, that might stick out in there minds when there older.
So just to every mother, just know we all are going through it. We all have our tough days, even if it's for 7 in a row, we all are going through it. Many days we want to pull our hair out, or scream or get rid of our kids, but we know deep down how much we do love them and need them. We are mother's, doing the hardest job on this earth... Whatever it is that gets you through the day, whatever works works. Whether it's 5 dvd's in a row, or locking them in there room for quiet time for 20 minutes, whatever works. But the main thing we really need to do, is talk to other mothers. Whether it's a 5 minute phone call with screaming kids in the back round and kids fighting to get your attention, it's those 5 minutes that might get you though your day cause another mother is going through it to. Just know my ear is always willing to listen, and my door is always open. And As for mothering, just know like I said we all are going through it.. even though it might not show when we are out and about, we are, we really truly are. But also remember someday we will look back upon these years, and forget all we went through, and our kids will be grown and we may be sitting at home, lonely wanting them back. Enjoy your time as best you can, but get yourself out of the house as well, it really truly helps!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Tired
Well I can finally admit it... I am tired, tired of being pregnant actually. I find it hard to believe that I still have less than 8 weeks to go. I sometimes feel i wont make it, things are difficult now, how am I ever going to last another few months. I am beat... by the end of the day i can barely walk, or let alone keep my eyes open. I am thank ful the girls go to bed at 7, that is a huge help, and I am able to get things done. But still even when morning comes, I am tired, and here they r geared and ready to go.
I can't bend down well anymore, even though I try I usually get a leg in the rib and it really hurts. So lately I have been rewarding Allie with tic tacs if she cleans all the toys up. And she does. It's nice, cause it's just too hard for me.
I finally was able to get myself down into the crawl space, and find the baby things. I keep forgetting and am almost shocked when I think I am having a baby next month..ahhhh
So i went down there and found the car seat, the winter thing for inside the car seat, washed it all, also the crib bedding, washed it all as well. I found half of the mobile, and still can't find the receiving blankets. I am trying to get alot done, because I know once the third arrives, there wont be much time to do what I can now. I actually finished Allie's b-day invites tonight, so when the time comes for them to be mailed, they will be done. I am well over half done Christmas shopping so that a huge relief for me as well.
I guess I am just looking forward to meeting this little person already.. who has been kicking me all day, mostly nights..lol.. and wow, the kicks take my breath away. The baby has hiccups more than 10 times a day, so that is getting annoying..lol.. I am anxious to just be able to do things again, and not have this belly in the way. And even though the sleepless nights are yet to come, i think it will be a different kind of tired.... one I can handle... Right now, I feel out of breath, I pee 2 0r 3 times every hour, and I feel like a beached whale..lol... So I think no matter how rough the nights might be.. i will feel some what better!!
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