I dit it

This weekend has been a first for a long time. RIley and i are always busy with family, either us coming or going, or our family coming or going and this weekend we stayed home and enjoyed being a family ourselves. A first for a long time. We needed it, more than ever and it was wonderful. Saturday night we sat and talked, a talk we needed to do years ago. Something thats been eating at both of us, but no one has ever been the first to open up. Iam not sure how it exactly started, but Riley just said how he wished he could turn back time and change all that happened. Meaning when we first got married, it was a tough rocky road, and it almost ended. Due to one thing.. Alcohol. I choose alcohol over Riley and it almost ended things, and he said he wishes he couldv'e been there more and helped more. But it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I was leading a different life, heading down the wrong path, and it was not getting me no where except in trouble. He said if it wasn't for my family, we probably wouldn't be together today. And then he said the words I remember hearing years back, that only hit me deep in my heart once again...."you broke my heart Cari".. Something you just don't want to hear from your husband. We hugged and cried and talked more and more. I ache inside each day because of that pain I put Riley through, and there's nothing we can do about that except move forward now and look towards the future.

But lastnight, something truly wonderful happened inside of me. I finally dit it. I finally accepted that I have quit drinking. Before it was just there, something I said or thought about, even still thought about having drinks quite often. But last night it hit me hard. I accepted that Iam done... done forever. Alcohol is was almost ended my life, my marriage, and maybe there wouldn't be no Allie Aubrie or Boedy here if I didn't quit. I will laugh now instead of get nervous inside when someone asks me why I quit, and if I truly will never have another drink. Why would i drink again? I might as well say goodbye to Riley if I do. It's not worth it, not worth the pain the two of us went through. And one drink in my hands will just never happen, cause it will only lead to one more. Iam done, it's been 4 years this March that i had my last drink, and I can honestly say Iam proud. Proud to say I have quit. I have nothing wrong what so ever about any body else drinking, thats there life, and something they can control alot better than I did. But Iam proud that I have finally accepted it, and now it's time to live a life where Riley deserves every ounce of my heart.. I love him to death, and would never want to live life without him.