Cheers

Today is a big deal to me.  I wondered all along how I would celebrate or what my life would be like at the one year mark.  I had no question about whether or not I would make the one year mark, yes in the beginning it was tough, but been really good since.  One year ago today, I quit drinking.  Its a huge deal for me, cause quitting drinking is extremely hard.  Especially when you like it to much.  Alcohol and me don't mix.  I cant just have one, or two or 5.  I had a bad tendency that I needed to finish the bottle and then more.  I never passed out, very seldom thru up, and did many stupid ridiculous things while drinking.  I became some one else. Acted stupid and did alot of things I regret.

When I was 21 years old I was told I had a liver of a 60 year old alcoholic.  I quit drinking then, and had 3 babies in 3 years.  I quit for 5.5 years and life was perfect.  But once I started again, and told myself, "you could just have one or two Cari", it went right back down hill again in a hurry.  Lets just say after I lost my dad, my life crumbled.  I hid my pain, and drank my pain away.  With every drink I had I forgot about the pain of my dad, or didn't think about every day life issues.  I figured after dad died what's the point in life.  Forgetting I had a husband who loved me and 3 kids who needed me.  I began drinking ridiculous amounts because I could.  One summer day I finished an entire 66 of rum, yes you heard me.  Never passed out, never puked, and proceeded to drive myself home late that evening with my kids on board.  I did alot of regretful things. I caused alot of pain to people, to myself, to my husband, my family.  And worst of all, I never dreamt I'd quit drinking, I just figured one of the times I drank the amount I did, maybe that would be the end of me.

A year ago today, I made the choice to quit drinking because of several reasons.  I know even though my dad was gone he knew what I was doing.  It almost ruined my marriage,  for my health, my kids, my life in general.  It was a tough battle.  I had sugar cravings because of the sugar in the alcohol. I suffered head aches for days. I felt the need to still drink many different flavours of drinks trying anything to get that rush from drinking, that feeling when your drink a stiff one and you can feel it go right to your toes.  I fought a good fight.  I had to re build my marriage, my trust.  I had a few friends that fought it out with me.  Who were there for me when I had the need of a drink and I would call them and say "help me please"!!

Its going to be a struggle my entire life yes I know that.  But all I can do is take it day by day.  I cant say I'm quitting for the rest of my life, all I can say is "I made it another day".  If you have ever suffered any sort of addiction in your life, you will understand me.  Alcohol is tough.  Because it is every where, and everyone offers you a drink all the time.  I don't want to be judged because I don't drink and you do.  That's your life, not mine and it doesn't bother me if you drink, you can obviously handle it and I cant.  This is just my choice.  A choice I made for me, for my health, my life, my marriage my kids.  I will fight this battle till I leave this earth I know that, but I also know this Id rather fight the battle then lose the battle.  I can do this, I am going to do this.  I tell myself daily "I don't need alcohol".  All it does is ruin lives, family's, marriages, so many things.

So today I will celebrate.  Even if its toasting with my kids the day before in the hospital with hospital cups of water,  saying out load "Cheers guys.  Mommy did it"!!!